a colored spectrum

Jumbo Crab

it was a nice day (initially). studied for my info-system test, finished the organic food powerpoint.
but still suffering from writer's block over the Meiji Japan essay. damn it. so frustrated with myself. still am though.

had chilli crab with fried man-tous this evening at Jumbo Seafood East Coast Park with Joshua.
ordered mussels, drunken prawns and 2 coconuts as well! nice!
$88 for 2 pax. i don't know whether it's expensive or not, but i know that Jumbo serves really good Chilli Crab. Sri Lankan Meat crab with sweet tender juicy meat. 1 Kg for $33... hmmm...

Joshua was so sweet... he shelled the crab and prawns for me. me being the helpless pampered kitty cat is so feeble and clumsy. i don't know how to shell crabs and take so damn long to shell them. prefer to sit there patiently, wag my tail and rub against people's leg so that they would feed me. well, Daddy feeds me nicely. no wonder Daddy said i should get a boyfriend who knows how to shell crabs well so he would shell for me. but i must not take his kindness as his weakness. in return for his sweetness, must know how to cherish and respect him.

i was quite nasty today. regretting my actions... more so my spoken words.

1) received a call from Jared after dinner. this was what happened (part of call):

Jared: where are you now?

Me : on way home, just had seafood dinner.

Jared: with whom?

Me : just a friend lah.

Me : all your fault lah, i've been waiting for you to have seafood dinner but you're always busy!

Jared: hahah! sorry sorry!

having heard me said that, Joshua was uncomfortable and unhappy. a bit jealous too.
he couldn't understand why i didn't tell Jared that i was with my boyfriend. he felt that i substituted Jared with him, coz i wanted to have seafood dinner with Jared a long time ago but because Jared was always busy, i ended up calling him for seafood dinner!

well... i did wanted to have chilli crabs with Jared for a long time already. but he was always busy with work before his enlistment. so too bad for that punk. missed a seafood feast with me! but i have never intended to substitute Jared with Joshua!!! Jared is my young punk, my little brother, my close pal... and whether i have a boyfriend or not... i don't think it'll matter??? but i know that he would be happy for me, but i know he would also worry for me.

i am so sorry darling. i was too insensitive and careless. should have considered more for your feelings. sigh... i neglected the fact that you would be uncomfortable with me not telling Jared that i was with you, and that seafood remark was intended to be sarcastic... i am so sorry...!!!

oh well.... all in all, i wasn't paying much attention... my fault!

but i can understand his feelings.... what i said to Jared reminded him of what Regina did and said to others when she was still with him. i was too insensitive and didn't think of that... so what i said brought fear and bad memories back to him. it is a very frightening process... bad haunting memories can easily devour people's sanity and emotional well being alive.

i just want to say that... darling... you mean alot to me. i don't want to say things that hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. i am so sorry... i will more sensitive next time... i want to be a better girl, a better girlfriend, a better wife. urgh... i am so disappointed in myself...

2) i kinda sounded pissed when he had no cash for pay for cab. well, is not that i wanted him to pay, but more so, he should have told me that he had no cash on him but only card... i don't wanna realize i only have $7 and short $2 for the fares. but then again curse that cab driver! it was supposed to only come up to $7.50 from East Coast to my house... nevertheless, i shouldn't sound pissed with Joshua.

and this is not the first time i sound pissed with him. i recall that there's been a couple of times when i sounded pissed with him for touching me at sensitive spots when we're in 'open' places and disturbing me when i am concentrating on some work... well... i should learn how to control my temper.

Nothing beats having seafood dinner under the palms and stars with the one you love.

posted by Veen @ 07:46